I am taking a break from trying to get everyone and I mean everyone that was born before 1980 off of Face Book. This pursuit is not aimed at hurting Face Book in anyway, I am just trying to help people become adults,that actually speak in person to their friends instead of posting "All" of their thoughts on a web page that even the most amateur hacker can access. As much fun as it is to crack on all the "Huge Douche's" that feel it is imperative to let the rest of us know they are a "Huge Douche" by posting on Face Book, I feel I must move on to another equally important subject, religion.
It is not my intention to offend religious people but I will assume that because most of them are a bunch of uptight assholes I more than likely will, for those of you that are not a bunch of uptight assholes, please read on.
One of the main criteria for most religions seems to be getting everyone to believe in the same things that they do, why is this the case? Well it seems that these folks need support from all of us, to keep them believing in their God of choice. They have a sinister way of doing this,by telling us they are concerned about our souls and they would really hate to see us end up in Hell. Well I for one am not concerned, if I don't believe in God why would I believe in Hell? I know your asking yourself, how can I not believe in God , he's right there in the bible,that makes it a fact! Well this is were we come to the fork in the road, I do not believe that the bible, in any of it's forms is the word of God, it's the word of man. Now just to explain to you "uptight assholes" so you don't run off and blow up an abortion clinic or beat a Gay person to death or any of the other awesome things you do in the name of God, this is just my opinion. There are several reasons that I don't believe in the bible but the number one reason is, it's just another old book with information on how we should lead our lives. This of course is not a bad thing and if it helps keep people from killing others or hating people for who they are or even persecuting them for being different, I say go bible. But unfortunately that is not the case, however most true believers think it makes them better than everyone and they need to find ways to eliminate anyone who does not believe in the same things they do.Wow, when I actually put this down on paper I am seeing some interesting connections. If you have not bailed out to start making a Molotov Cocktail to throw at an abortion clinic, please read on.
There seems to be no difference between believing in God or Allah or Mohammad at all ,it still drives people into acts of incredible stupidity based on their beliefs. Is it any different blowing up an abortion clinic in the name of God than it is to fly a plane into a building in the name of Allah. No its the same thing, your just another asshole that is doing a horrible thing in the name of a God, that if there were one would strike you down for being such an asshole. Is this what you are after,being a Terrorist for God? I hope not because we all ready have plenty of asshole's doing horrible things in the name of their God. So maybe the next time someone asks if you believe in God, your response will be, no, I just believe in being a decent person to everyone not just folks that fit my narrow little view of life. And if it is not you are probably on your way to the hardware store to stock up on fertilizer, so you can voice your belief in God by eliminating those that don't share your views.
I would love to hear from all of you about this subject, just not on a Face Book post or with a knock on my door at seven in the morning , with you and three of your fellow sheep shoving pamphlet's in my face and telling me why your way is the only way! Late Un-ruly.
Things that make you feel good
Hunters moon
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Gay's in the Military ?????
I was going to write a ferocious verbal onslaught about why we need to focus less on sexual preference and more on results and how we all need to quit judging people on things like sexual preference, color,gender or age but it ooccurred to me that instead of reading this post you are all probably logging into your Face Book accounts to write your own redneck version of why this is wrong and that obviously all Gay's should either repent or form a boy band. (note: For some unknown reason it is fine to be gay and be in a band but that's the only way it's okay).
So instead of talking about Gay's in the military I thought it would be interesting to see what other groups of people we could ban from serving their country with honor.
Lets start with banning all women,gay, straight or catholic,it doesn't matter they are all out ,because they are not physically as strong as men (straight men) and don't have the strong emotional control needed to shoot at people. Now that the girls are gone and we can really talk lets get to the next group that has no business being in the military.
We really need to get the Christians out of the military, they are just not very good at this whole war thing, I mean really "Turn the other cheek" how does that fit with destroying an entire village. Every time an order comes to the front they are always asking " What would Jesus Do" well I am not sure about you but I don't think this Jesus dude was into this whole was thing. On the other hand we could turn all of the Christians in the military into a Jihadist band of bad asses by saying we are doing all of this in "Gods" name, but that will have to be an entire separate post. I guess I forgot about the gay Christians , they need to be banned also as part of the "Don't Ask(for forgiveness) Don't Tell" policy. Now that we are rid of the Christians lets move on to the next group that needs to be banned,
The Jew's, they are the chosen people and have no real business fighting anything but a Holy War, so they can just sit on the sidelines until God gives them the nod. With the Jew's out of the picture lets move right along to the next group.
The Mormon's, you just can not send a man with fourteen kids and three wives into a war,its just not right. If we had an all bicycle division and enough room to house the extra wives and children it would probably work out OK,but with the current budget problems it just won't pencil out. With the Mormons banned we need to move onto my favorite group of people that need to be banned from the military.
You guessed it , Face Book users who were born after 1980,you are all to busy posting to Face Book to be of any real value especially in the military. As you all sit there posting utter nonsense to your page and requesting me to "Friend" you for the tenth time today, while downing a Costco sized bag of Doritos ( note: a normal person does not buy or want to buy a Costco sized bag of Doritos) and hammering down a 12 pack of Busch Light (because you like to watch your carb intake) you can all breath a sigh of relief, you don't have to be banned! What you ask, why not us? Well it boils down to these simple truths,you won't pass the physical or mental testing and the government doesn't trust anyone over 30 who has a Face Book account.
As you can see it becomes a slippery slope when you try to isolate any group of people from anything, for any reason. So tomorrow before you go to work and you log into Face Book to to see how many "Friends" you have(trust me no one gives a shit) think about finding one of the sites were you can write a quick letter of support to Anyone who is serving our country in the military.
Editors Note: We are not positive but we have evidence to support that Face Book accounts are how they are determining sexual preference in the military.
So instead of talking about Gay's in the military I thought it would be interesting to see what other groups of people we could ban from serving their country with honor.
Lets start with banning all women,gay, straight or catholic,it doesn't matter they are all out ,because they are not physically as strong as men (straight men) and don't have the strong emotional control needed to shoot at people. Now that the girls are gone and we can really talk lets get to the next group that has no business being in the military.
We really need to get the Christians out of the military, they are just not very good at this whole war thing, I mean really "Turn the other cheek" how does that fit with destroying an entire village. Every time an order comes to the front they are always asking " What would Jesus Do" well I am not sure about you but I don't think this Jesus dude was into this whole was thing. On the other hand we could turn all of the Christians in the military into a Jihadist band of bad asses by saying we are doing all of this in "Gods" name, but that will have to be an entire separate post. I guess I forgot about the gay Christians , they need to be banned also as part of the "Don't Ask(for forgiveness) Don't Tell" policy. Now that we are rid of the Christians lets move on to the next group that needs to be banned,
The Jew's, they are the chosen people and have no real business fighting anything but a Holy War, so they can just sit on the sidelines until God gives them the nod. With the Jew's out of the picture lets move right along to the next group.
The Mormon's, you just can not send a man with fourteen kids and three wives into a war,its just not right. If we had an all bicycle division and enough room to house the extra wives and children it would probably work out OK,but with the current budget problems it just won't pencil out. With the Mormons banned we need to move onto my favorite group of people that need to be banned from the military.
You guessed it , Face Book users who were born after 1980,you are all to busy posting to Face Book to be of any real value especially in the military. As you all sit there posting utter nonsense to your page and requesting me to "Friend" you for the tenth time today, while downing a Costco sized bag of Doritos ( note: a normal person does not buy or want to buy a Costco sized bag of Doritos) and hammering down a 12 pack of Busch Light (because you like to watch your carb intake) you can all breath a sigh of relief, you don't have to be banned! What you ask, why not us? Well it boils down to these simple truths,you won't pass the physical or mental testing and the government doesn't trust anyone over 30 who has a Face Book account.
As you can see it becomes a slippery slope when you try to isolate any group of people from anything, for any reason. So tomorrow before you go to work and you log into Face Book to to see how many "Friends" you have(trust me no one gives a shit) think about finding one of the sites were you can write a quick letter of support to Anyone who is serving our country in the military.
Editors Note: We are not positive but we have evidence to support that Face Book accounts are how they are determining sexual preference in the military.
Face Book accounts are for young people
I am starting this blog for two reasons , the primary reason is to determine the difficulty and pass my information and experience on to others in my household to help them build blogs also. The second reason is to allow myself to vent and perhaps entertain or even better , piss some people off. With that said lets dive into the heart of today's blog.
It has recently been brought to my attention (not on any action by me) that people who have no business doing this are opening Face Book accounts. The specific group of people I am referring to are middle aged men ( my contemporaries,unfortunately).
If you are a middle aged man and have a Face Book account you fall into one of the three following categories, I will leave it up to you to decide which of these you definitely is not you leaving two that probably are you and one that is definitely you . Before I get started let me calm you down a little , I know you will try to claim you don't fit any of the categories but we know that's not true because you after all have a Face Book account.
1). The Face Book power user. This is the middle aged man who has something to say (normally some really redneck take on politics or religion) and you have so many close Friends that you need to make a Face Book account and annoy a bunch of unwitting strangers(please be my friend,please!) until they accept and have to indulge your redneck ramblings because they are nice decent folks. The power user is normally a man who was caught spending three to five thousand dollars annually on Internet porn and his wife set up the child locks on the Internet and he can't figure out a work around so he steps up to the next best thing, you guessed right a Face Book account. The term we will use to describe the power user is Huge Douche so whenever someone calls you a Huge Douche you will know you are a Face Book account holder.
2). The Face Book it was my wife's idea user. This is the man that is such a pussy he blames having a Face Book account on his wife, when in reality she is so sick of his sorry ass she would rather have him post spectacularly stupid comments on Face Book than have to talk to him. It all starts quite innocently with her suggesting that it would be a great way to stay in touch with friends(if they wanted to talk to you they would have by now) and family and the next thing you know your hiding credit card receipts for Farmville items. Your wife is continually telling you how clever your posts are and how good it is to get your point of view out on the web for people to see , which is really her way of saying thank god your not touching me. The term we will use to identify this user is Huge Douche so whenever someone calls you a Huge Douche we will know you are a Face Book account holder.
3). Huge Douche. You are the man that has no excuse,you freely tell all that you are a proud Face Book account holder , even telling us how many people have friended you. The fact is you set up the account when your wife threatened to kick you out if she received one more bill from "Barely Legal", but you tricked her. Now you have a Face Book account with five thousand friends and three of them are not teen aged girls,I guess you showed her, by the way most of those alleged teens your chatting with are a middle aged FBI agent named Melvin and he thinks your a Huge Douche.
In conclusion I would like to point out that if you have a Face Book account and are a middle aged man you are in fact a Huge Douche , so hopefully some of you Huge Douches will read this and quit trying to friend my teen aged daughters. Well that's all I can take for today , I am sure I will lay awake all night trying to grasp why a middle aged man would communicate on Face Book instead of using a F..ing cell phone like an adult. Thanks for your time and hopefully the way you friend me is by buying me an adult beverage at a bar( If your wife will let you out on a week night, with money)who am I kidding your a Huge Douche and teen aged girls can't go to bars. Out Un-ruly.
It has recently been brought to my attention (not on any action by me) that people who have no business doing this are opening Face Book accounts. The specific group of people I am referring to are middle aged men ( my contemporaries,unfortunately).
If you are a middle aged man and have a Face Book account you fall into one of the three following categories, I will leave it up to you to decide which of these you definitely is not you leaving two that probably are you and one that is definitely you . Before I get started let me calm you down a little , I know you will try to claim you don't fit any of the categories but we know that's not true because you after all have a Face Book account.
1). The Face Book power user. This is the middle aged man who has something to say (normally some really redneck take on politics or religion) and you have so many close Friends that you need to make a Face Book account and annoy a bunch of unwitting strangers(please be my friend,please!) until they accept and have to indulge your redneck ramblings because they are nice decent folks. The power user is normally a man who was caught spending three to five thousand dollars annually on Internet porn and his wife set up the child locks on the Internet and he can't figure out a work around so he steps up to the next best thing, you guessed right a Face Book account. The term we will use to describe the power user is Huge Douche so whenever someone calls you a Huge Douche you will know you are a Face Book account holder.
2). The Face Book it was my wife's idea user. This is the man that is such a pussy he blames having a Face Book account on his wife, when in reality she is so sick of his sorry ass she would rather have him post spectacularly stupid comments on Face Book than have to talk to him. It all starts quite innocently with her suggesting that it would be a great way to stay in touch with friends(if they wanted to talk to you they would have by now) and family and the next thing you know your hiding credit card receipts for Farmville items. Your wife is continually telling you how clever your posts are and how good it is to get your point of view out on the web for people to see , which is really her way of saying thank god your not touching me. The term we will use to identify this user is Huge Douche so whenever someone calls you a Huge Douche we will know you are a Face Book account holder.
3). Huge Douche. You are the man that has no excuse,you freely tell all that you are a proud Face Book account holder , even telling us how many people have friended you. The fact is you set up the account when your wife threatened to kick you out if she received one more bill from "Barely Legal", but you tricked her. Now you have a Face Book account with five thousand friends and three of them are not teen aged girls,I guess you showed her, by the way most of those alleged teens your chatting with are a middle aged FBI agent named Melvin and he thinks your a Huge Douche.
In conclusion I would like to point out that if you have a Face Book account and are a middle aged man you are in fact a Huge Douche , so hopefully some of you Huge Douches will read this and quit trying to friend my teen aged daughters. Well that's all I can take for today , I am sure I will lay awake all night trying to grasp why a middle aged man would communicate on Face Book instead of using a F..ing cell phone like an adult. Thanks for your time and hopefully the way you friend me is by buying me an adult beverage at a bar( If your wife will let you out on a week night, with money)who am I kidding your a Huge Douche and teen aged girls can't go to bars. Out Un-ruly.
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